Ugh

It's been a hard couple of weeks. I don't write on this blog much anymore, but it might not be a bad way to let off some steam, keep writing, be thoughtful and all that nonsense. There's a lot on my mind and if anybody comes by here, you should feel free to comment.

First, the job plainly sucks. My kids are better than last year. They're much brighter than the kids I taught last year. That being said, the deficits are still there and they can still be quite surprising. However, the school is insane. It's not enough that teaching kids in the south Bronx is challenging enough on its own. It's not enough that my job requires producing an insane amount of data. It's not enough that I teach six periods a day (that's an extra period a day that I'm not contracted to teach but do anyway - nobody told me this was the deal when I signed up). It's really hard. I'm planning 4 different lessons every day. There are reasons why middle school teachers don't usually get scheduled in this way. It's because it's lots and lots of work. I think about quitting a lot. I don't get much sleep and I get sick to my stomach every Sunday night just thinking about going back into school for the next week. It really sucks and I don't know what to do about it.

The graduate work is really suffering. I have to take masters classes as part of my program, but because of the added stress of work, the grad courses are really suffering. I'm really unhappy about it.

I don't get to spend any time doing anything else. Friday night I'm beat. Saturday night, if things don't fall right into place (which they often don't) I don't get to do anything. Sunday is all about work. Weeknights are all about work (when I don't have grad classes, which go until about 8 at night, then I commute home). I don't get to see my friends. It sucks.

I feel like I'm whining, but I suppose I'm entitled to whine if I want to. It's my blog and nobody reads it.

Earlier tonight I contacted a former professor about the possibility of going ahead and applying to grad school for next year instead of waiting the additional year. I don't know if I can do it in time, but it feels like it could be the right move. I'm not very happy with my professional situation right now, and I feel like it's crowding out everything else. I suppose we'll all just have to hold our collective breath and see what happens. I should be working right now. Even better, I should have finished my work so that I could be sleeping right now. But no such luck. At least Tuesday the kids don't come, so no planning. No grading. Just precious, precious sleep.

So there's your ray of sunshine for the day.